Holy shit, y'all. The process for getting divorced where I live is a fucking nightmare. I understand why people hire lawyers for this shit. Unfortunately, poverty and reality have combined their powers and decided I need to become my own divorce attorney. I’ve known for a long time that the legal system isn't particularly friendly, intuitive, or designed around the assumption that the average human being will understand what the fuck is happening, let alone folk like us. But it's a different kind of horror show seeing it up close. The process is complicated in a way that creates almost unmanageable consequences for being confused! And my ADHD brain does not particularly enjoy the feeling of “You have one opportunity to correctly navigate this evil maze of slightly different documents, and if you fuck it up, congratulations! You have created a new problem for yourself.” I can handle complicated things. I love complicated problems. I cannot handle ambiguous complicated things with possibly unknowable consequences. And alongside all that bullshit is this awful emotional disconnect. I don't want to be stuck in a relationship that I genuinely believe will eventually kill me. Instead, I'm staring at paperwork like some bewildered alien. It's not that I don't care. I care so fucking much that my brain has apparently decided the only survivable response is to disconnect from the entire situation. There's this huge, looming fear that if I get something wrong the first time, I'm going to be unbelievably fucked. And I cannot afford a lawyer. I cannot afford to throw money at every confusing little problem until someone tells me the correct answer. So instead I'm trying to teach myself a fucking bureaucratic process at goddamn 3am while already exhausted by the circumstances that made it necessary. Like. Fuck.